It’s hard to believe my second trimester is drawing to a close. It’s feeling more and more real with each passing week and the list of things to do before baby girl gets here is getting longer by the day.
I’m tired. Both the normal, fall-asleep-at-8-pm tired and physically achy in my body. It’s strange getting winded from such ordinary things, like hanging up laundry or walking up one flight of stairs.
Sleep has also been getting tricky. Most nights I spend tossing and turning back and forth from my left side to my right, trying to stay comfortable. Sometimes I wake up starving at 4 a.m. and can’t go back to sleep after eating something, so I just say screw it and start the day. At least I’m not having to get up to pee every hour like I was a couple months ago. And some nights, like last night, I get a solid eight hours, which I know I should treasure while I still can.
Eating has become a test of willpower. I’m always hungry, but one bite too many or too fast and I’ll be so full and feel sick. I guess that’s what happens when a tiny human is crowding all up on your stomach. I have to force myself to eat smaller meals and chew every bite intentionally, which is a challenge because most food, thankfully, tastes soooo good these days.
I’m nervous about when she’ll arrive. Modern medicine is so advanced that many babies born before 30 weeks survive and go on to be perfectly healthy, which is insane to me. I’m thankful knowing that if something happened and I had to deliver early, there would be a good chance of a positive outcome. And yet, that has somehow made me even more anxious about the possibility of pre-term labor. I pray she just sits tight in there for a good while longer.
I’m nervous about how my relationship with Johnny will change once she arrives. I know he’s going to be an amazing father, but I also know things are going to fundamentally change once we’re mom and dad and no longer just us.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m overjoyed that our family is growing and get giddy when I think about how things will be when it’s “the five of us.” But I’ll miss our lazy weekend mornings sleeping in, packing up the car and going away for the weekend on a moment’s notice, late walks up to our neighborhood bar for a nightcap on a random Wednesday, and all the other carefree things you can do before you have kids.
I’m equally excited, though, about all the new memories we’re going to make with her. I can’t wait to take her hiking, put her in the tiniest bikini and show her the beach next summer, see how she bonds with the dogs, and take her to all the places Johnny and I loved while growing up. I might be crazy, but I’m even looking forward to the tough, sleepless moments I know we’ll have when we’re up together in the middle of the night, just the two of us.
The further along I get, the less nervous I am about actual labor and delivery. I mean, no, that’s a lie, I’m still completely freaked out by it. But before, I was terrified. About how much it will hurt, not knowing what to expect, all the things that could go wrong–everything about it scared me.
Now that I can feel her so much more distinctly, I realize there’s only one way I’ll get to meet her and the excitement about that outweighs most of the fear. I’ve been so amazed at what my body has been able to do in these last six months, and that has made me more confident that I can do this. Knowing that millions upon millions of women have gone through this before me, most of them without the option of amazing drugs, gives me a lot of comfort.
I still have three months left to go in this pregnancy and I’m already thinking about how much I’m going to miss feeling her tumbling around in my stomach, even though by that point I’ll have her in my arms. The moment when I finally collapse on the couch after work is finished and the dishes from dinner are done and she starts up her nightly gymnastics has become my favorite part of the day.
Tiki has been LOVING cuddling up with the bump
Cravings? Food, please. All of it. Baked goods like blueberry muffins and pumpkin bread have been a particular Achilles heel for me. Although it still tastes good, I’ve had to nix pretty much everything spicy because it gives me such bad heartburn now.
Moods? They come and go. I’ve had a few “woe is me” days these last couple weeks, but it’s had more to do with the pandemic and being over it than feeling hormonal. I’m sad I’m not spending these last few childless months seeing the world or cramming in as much time as possible with friends and family, instead spending almost every day at home. Most of the time, though, being in crappy mood just means I’m ready for food or a nap, which I suppose is great experience to relate to the infant I’m about to have.
Exercise? I’m trying. I still take the dogs on two long walks a day, but it’s getting more challenging. I do some light yoga and stretching most days to help with the general aches and pains of pregnancy, and we’ve still been hiking pretty regularly, albeit at a much easier pace than a few months ago.
Nursery? Ha. I’ve been holding off on purchasing most of the big-ticket baby items like a crib and a stroller because our living situation is hopefully going to be changing before baby gets here (more on this soon!), so that’s one big thing hanging over my head to accomplish in the next couple months.
Third trimester, here we go!
